We’ve become so tribalistic these days. We hold opinions, find our people, stake our claims, and prepare for war. We are right and everyone else is wrong. There isn’t room for contrary opinions. We are quick to unfollow, block, and cancel.
Social media thrives on our anger and anxiety.
And I have to wonder, are our beliefs really so flimsy that they truly cannot hold up to questions or critical review? And if they are this fragile, are they worth holding as tightly as we do?
Do we really believe that only we have good reasons for our opinions? A story behind our beliefs? Perspective created by experience? Are people who think differently truly less human? That’s kind of how it feels sometimes.
I’ve been through the dismantling of my faith in recent years. I’ve rethought many of my Christian beliefs. Some I discarded and others I kept. Through the doubt, questions, and struggle, my faith has grown as has my comfort level with uncertainty.
I’m okay with not having all the answers these days. I don’t usually feel the need to tell anyone they are wrong. It’s fine if we don’t agree on everything (or anything). I’m far more comfortable asking questions to find underlying reasons.
Someone’s unbelief doesn’t make my faith weaker. I don’t need to prove why I’m right. I know who and what I believe in. And I also know some of my beliefs may continue to change—which is fine with me. The awkward middle way of tension and paradox has become a place where I feel at home.
I’ve run into fundamentalists on both sides of the spectrum. I think perhaps many have rejected conservative religious and political ideology without rejecting the black and white mindset they were entrenched in. I’ve watched multiple people jump to progressive or liberal sets of beliefs and be equally dogmatic and rigid in defending them.
They are just as quick as ever to reject people who don’t agree.
Many of us are deconstructing our faith these days. But I hope that we can dig deep and also deconstruct our fundamentalist attitude. This is vital if we are actually going to find healing and experience lasting change.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t hold beliefs or opinions. I have strong personal ones. I have truth that I believe. But my value is not found in the strength of my belief or in my ability to persuade someone else that I am right. I am not afraid of being challenged or of holding those beliefs to the light.
Can we have strong personal beliefs while also being gracious and open to people who disagree? Can we consider opposing or different views without feeling that we need to abandon our own?
What is it that keeps us holding to black and white beliefs and us versus them ideology? And what is it that will help us to let it all go?
Fear plays a big role I think. It can be frightening to not have answers. We long for concrete facts. Living in a world of black and white simplicity feels safer than a misty gray place of paradox.
Pride also has a part. It’s hard to admit we don’t know or don’t have answers. We want people to think well of us. We want to think well of ourselves and feel like we have it together.
Identity is important. We want to feel a sense of belonging, to know where we fit and that we have people who understand us and agree with us.
I think freedom comes from a place of humility, quiet confidence, and a willingness to be wrong. It comes with an attitude of discovery and growth. It comes as we develop a love of questions and learning.
Freedom comes as we put aside social media and get to know real people in our real lives who are different from us. It comes from being willing to critically think about our own beliefs, question ourselves, and change.
"How many times do you hear it?
It goes on all day long
Everyone knows everything
And no one's ever wrong (until later).
Who can you believe?
It's hard to play it safe
But apart from a few good friends
We don't take anything on faith.
Until later."
- Neil Peart, lyricist for Rush, "Show Don't Tell," 1989
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, or comments. You can find me on Threads, Instagram, Facebook, my website, and on my podcast Looking for the Real God. I’d love to connect with you on any of these places!
My podcast, Religious Rebels, can be found on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart Radio, and more. New episodes drop every other Sunday at noon on YouTube and 5pm on Substack and everywhere you listen to podcasts.
You can also order an autographed copy of my book, Religious Rebels: Finding Jesus in the Awkward Middle Way by clicking on the button below.
You are so welcome! Thanks for reading.
Love this. Thanks for sharing your interior world!