#Rethink: Secrecy, Esther, and the Crazy Love of God
Join me as we explore the differences between secrecy vs privacy, ponder the book of Esther, and contemplate the weird and wild love of God.
#Rethink - November 2022
It’s the last full week of November already! In this month’s newsletter we are exploring the difference between healthy privacy in a church and red flags of secrecy, pondering stories within the book of Esther, and contemplating the weird and wild love of God.
If the truth came out in every church, how many would still be standing?
I’m less naïve than I used to be, and I guess that also makes me more cynical. Which, as we’ve recently discussed, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I had breakfast with a new friend last week. We savored our fancy eggs and bonded over our similar less-than-stellar church experiences.
One familiar theme seemed to be secrecy. Intentionally keeping things quiet. Not telling the whole truth. Or just not saying anything at all. There is a difference between healthy privacy and intentional secrecy. In her book , Celebrities for Jesus, Katelyn Beaty describes it this way:
“Privacy honors the fact that every ministry leader needs elements of their lives that are out of the spotlight… Secrecy by contrast creates a division between the private and public self, so that the private self can get away with things the public self couldn’t. Privacy says that if friends, family, or elders found out what the pastor did, they wouldn’t be surprised or concerned. Secrecy, by contrast, makes sure no one can ever find out.”
If two of us experienced intentional and unhealthy secrecy in local churches, and there are more churches in my area where I personally know of things that have been pushed under the rug or into a closet, and this is just my small location, the cynic in me has to wonder: If the truth came out would any church or church leadership be left standing?
The fact that so many of them would quickly be on shaky ground, tells me that there are some huge problems within our systems.
Privacy protects others with respect and love. Secrecy intentionally hides wrongs, punishes the weak, and protects the powerful. Privacy honors victims, secrecy hides abusers. Privacy and secrecy are two entirely different things.
What if we all decided to tell the truth? Protect the privacy of those we need to truly protect, but share the whole truth in love? What if we kicked secrecy in the butt? That’s a scary but exciting thought.
Would churches crumbled as a result? Maybe.
But Jesus tore up the temple court, so I’m not sure that’s actually a bad thing. Besides as my new friend and I discussed between sips of coffee, real church seems to happen most often outside the confines of a building. It happens in living rooms, coffee shops, and random lobbies where believers meet to talk, pray, and share about the reality of Jesus in their lives. Church isn’t a building, or a program, or a pastor. Church is us!
The church has been torn down and rebuilt multiple times over the past two thousand years. I think it’s time for another renovation.
“For such a time as this…” Esther 4:14
I set up my office last weekend. Finally! If you follow me on Instagram at all then you’ve probably seen pictures and heard about it because I’m kind of obsessed. This poster is one of the things on the picture wall I’m building:
My mom gave it to me and I love it on many levels. But it got me curious about the book of Esther which I hadn’t read in a while.
First off, the quote on the poster is a bit of a stretch. Esther 4:14 actually says something like, “And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom (to be queen/to your royal position) for such a time as this?” I could go on a whole other rant about people taking verses out of context and twisting them for their own benefit, but I won’t today because I want to talk about Esther!
Wow, the book reads like a crazy drama especially as you think about what is happening culturally, historically, and behind the scenes. The Jews are in exile, but the nation who originally captured them, Babylon, has fallen to Persia. Mordecai is a Jew who is living his life in exile while raising his cousin Esther. I can’t help but think about Jeremiah 29:11 (another verse often taken out of context) and the verses surrounding it where Jeremiah encourages the Jews to settle into captivity and make the best of it because even here God has plans for them and a hope for their future. Mordecai appears to have done exactly that because no one even knows that he is a Jew. (I could say more here but won’t. Ponder it.)
Esther is a fascinating book. Here are just a few thoughts:
God is never mentioned in the book of Esther. Not once.
The author is unknown.
Esther gets taken into the King’s harem as a virgin, has to spend the night with him as her first experience, and then lives with his other concubines for the rest of her life.
Haman is a total narcissist.
Good triumphs over evil in a plot twist that you can’t make up.
The Christianese culture is so quick to want to moralize or spiritualize things. But I’m enjoying just thinking about Esther as history. As a snapshot story of real people who lived, made choices, and changed potential outcomes. As the lives of people who were part of a broken culture and government system without trying to change it or hide from it. People who just followed the thoughts of Jeremiah 29:7
“Work to see that the city where I sent you as exiles enjoys peace and prosperity. Pray to the LORD for it. For as it prospers you will prosper.”
I’d love to have a real conversation about what these few paragraphs bring up in your mind! Let me know and maybe I’ll start a chat about it on the Substack app.
Broken and beautiful - God’s weird and wild love
Understanding the love of God is something I struggled with growing up in my cult. I felt like God’s love was obligatory — he had to love me because he was God. But I didn’t think He was very excited about it. And I wasn’t sure if He really liked me or not, especially when I failed to follow the rules and formulas.
I’ve recently had more than one person express concern over the view of God that is common in West Michigan where I live. But as someone who moved here I don’t think this messed-up view of God is locational. I think it’s Christianese cultural particularly to people who were raised in a conservative system. For me god was a distant, angry, jealous being who wanted to punish me for getting out of line and who I had to appease with my behaviors.
But that’s not the Real God.
I have a student right now who is reminding me about God’s love. A broken and beautiful kid who needs a lot of love and attention. And also sometimes a shower. And reminders to take breaths before they do something they regret. And lots of hugs.
When I was first getting out of the cult, Jesus brought these messed-up kiddos into my life all the time and then gave me His love for them. They were always the difficult ones, the hurting ones, the broken ones. I LOVED then with crazy intensity. Holy Spirit would often whisper to me, “That’s how I love you.” It slowly changed the way I viewed God and His love.
I cried a lot back then because I usually met my kiddos at camp for a week or during a substitute teaching job and didn’t get to keep them for long. This was a regular part of my life. I was kind of an emotional wreck, but it was good.
It’s been fifteen years since I’ve loved a kid like that. Fifteen years of marriage, my own children, life experience, and some maturity. The other day I was sitting on the rug in my new office after work thinking about this kiddo and I heard a familiar whisper in my heart. “That’s you.”
We are the awkward kid coming down the hall with a wiggle and a wave wondering if He sees us. And God is the One with His arms open ready for a hug anytime we need it. God drops everything to talk when we ask. He doesn’t care about our mess, or our stink, or the fit we just threw because someone beat us in four-square. He just loves us, wants to help us, and spend time with us. Because we belong to Him. He doesn’t love us because He has to but because He wants to. He desires us. He misses us. He likes us. I know this because I love a kid that I have no reason to love.
You are loved.
Deeply. Intentionally. Passionately.
You are loved not for what you do, but for who you are. You are not loved in spite of your mess, but because of it. God sees every bit of your brokenness and thinks you are beautiful. And He did all that was necessary to bring you back to Him. That is truth.
I’m sharing more on my podcast tonight at 5pm (episode #137) if you’d like to turn in and hear me try not to cry. :-) There is a link below.
Thanks for taking a moment to #Rethink some of our religious traditions and beliefs. I know that it can be scary to deconstruct and reconstruct our faith, but finding the Real Jesus is absolutely worth it. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, or comments.
BTW, these points are not intended as a criticism of any kind, Christy, just another #rethink coming mainly via my wife tbh. 💖
Hi Christy!
Now we have chat for Android, so I'm on board...
Here are a couple of points about Esther, which we used to think was an amazing story of deliverance. (You may have made these points already; I haven't read your #rethink in detail yet!)
Now we see that Esther was trafficked by her uncle (or cousin), essentially raped by the king, and complicit in the genocide that was apparently necessary to save the Jews. Not quite such an amazing story after all. Or at least not simply a heart-warming story of God protecting and delivering his people.
One more fun fact: it's true that in our protestant bibles God isn't mentioned, but, in the Catholic Bible (and maybe Orthodox Bibles too), Esther prays to God. He's mentioned. I wonder who decided to cut that out! Keep up the good work, rethinking!
Stephen