Rethink: True Justice, Counting the Cost, and Learning to Confront
This month lets question true justice, finally ponder Jill Duggar's new book, and explore how I'm learning to lovingly confront situations and people.
Rethinking Faith: October 2023
Welcome to the October issue of Rethinking Faith. Today we will question God's justice compared to our own, finally ponder Jill Duggar’s new book Counting the Cost, and explore how I’m learning to lovingly confront people in a healthy way.
“Yet your people say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just,’ when it is their own way that is not just” Ezekiel 33:17 (ESV).
I came across this verse yesterday and it hit so hard that tears filled my eyes. It feels familiar. In a world filled with a desire for justice, and full of people who think their way is right, we are quick to blame and call out God.
The NET Bible says it this way, “Yet your people say, ‘The behavior of the Lord is not right,’ when it is their behavior that is not right.”
We are so quick to assume that we are right. We are confident that our perspective is correct. We judge everyone else as wrong—even God. Especially when He doesn’t do things “the way we would.” But what if we are the ones who are wrong? What if we are the ones who are unjust? What if our behaviors are the problem?
I am intrigued by the humans continue to be obsessed with good and evil. Ever since the Fall—when Adam and Eve ate from the tree that supposedly gifted them with that knowledge—we’ve been hooked. But we are broken now and our knowledge is flawed. I said it this way in my book:
“The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil offered an elusive promise. Forgetting they were already made in God’s image, and thinking they were becoming more like God, Adam and Eve listened to the serpent’s words. Deceived, they believed they were making the good choice. Ironically, choosing to disobey God and eat from the tree immediately perverted the knowledge Adam and Eve gained. As humans, we now have the capacity to know good and evil, but can we really differentiate between the two? I’m honestly not sure we can.”
From “Religious Rebels” by Christy Lynne Wood
What if our knowledge of good and evil is perverted to the point that we can’t necessarily trust our own perspective as true?
Are we willing to hold the paradox of living as humans who are beautifully made in God’s image but who have also been deeply corrupted by sin? Can we seek humility and look to gain understanding by acknowledging our own flawed opinion? Will we believe in a God who is always just, always right, and never does the wrong thing while still living in a broken world filled with pain, heartache, and a lack of answers?
The more I have experienced brokenness and embraced humility and the lavish grace of God, the more I have been able to extend that grace and humility to others. It’s been a process, and I still have a long journey ahead, but it’s worth it!
“Getting out cost us, but it was worth it. It was worth it to find freedom from the guilt and fear. It was worth it to learn how to think for myself about what I really believed…” ~ Jill Duggar, Counting the Cost
I read Counting the Cost on our last camping trip of the year much to my family’s frustration. After purchasing it on a whim at Meijer while grabbing the last of our supplies, I couldn’t put it down. And even when it was down, I struggled to be present with my family. My mind was consumed.
It’s been twenty years since I was actively in Bill Gothard’s IBLP homeschool cult. While preteen Jill was first awkwardly navigating cameras for a television documentary, I was in my early twenties trying to navigate life in the real world. Despite a couple of decades and many changes, reading Jill’s story brought back a flood of emotions and memories. It resonated.
I’ve always suspected the things Jill revealed in her book. Although we were a fringe family and my parents were more grounded than others, I was surrounded by families in my cult-church whose lives were controlled by rules and fear. Patriarchy ran strong, and abusive authority thrived.
I found it fascinating that Jill didn’t see her father as controlling or abusive before he became rich and famous on national television. It honestly reminds me of the many evangelical leaders and pastors who have found fame, money, and power and turned. People who knew them before are often surprised. Are we all capable of being corrupted like this? Are some people more susceptible than others?
I also wonder how much of the power snatching, secrecy, and twisted views of authority in evangelicalism have been subtly influenced by Gothard’s teachings, and how much just come from human brokenness and sin.
Jesus, who was God with all authority, humbled himself and became a limited human. He surrounded himself with people society rejected. Jesus didn’t have money or a position of power. And when a large crowd gathered, he often said something controversial or crazy that cost him his fame. The only human ever capable of handling power, money, and fame didn’t want it. That should tell us something.
What if our goal was to be like Jesus? To have less and be less, to follow God above all else, to humbly serve, and to seek the lost and rejected? If these were our goals, I think our lives would look different.
Why is it so much easier to talk about someone or a situation than it is to talk to them directly or do something about it?
I am learning, you guy, and I’m proud of myself. I hate conflict. I’ve always hated it. Confronting people and dealing with situations is not something I’ve historically been great at. Growing up in my family, we tended to be passive aggressive or avoid direct conflict for the sake of “peace” until we couldn’t any more. Then we had awkwardly intense family meetings where I was usually the big bad pickle (thanks Veggie Tales) and my little sister cried.
I’ve always been better at venting to other safe people than actually dealing with situations. This has not led to positive outcomes.
But this last week after some good conversations with trusted friends and family, I was direct with someone. I stopped making myself the victim and them the villain, and I tried to put myself in their shoes. We were both able to share our perspectives, seek understanding, and walk away feeling better connected. It was amazing!
I’m happy to be learning new skills after four decades of life. Ha! It gives me hope knowing that I can change patterns of relating even when it isn’t easy. I love that the Holy Spirit never stops working on our hearts. If I can change, then so can you! :-)
Thanks for taking a moment to rethink some of our religious traditions and beliefs. I know that it can be scary to deconstruct and reconstruct our faith, but finding the real Jesus is absolutely worth it. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, or comments.
You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, my website, and on my podcast Looking for the Real God. I’d love to connect with you on any of these places!
You can also order an autographed copy of my book, Religious Rebels: Finding Jesus in the Awkward Middle Way by clicking on the button below.