Running Headlong into Brokenness
An old essay for a new season
As I thought about what to do with this 5th Sunday of the month, I dug back through my old essays and found this one. It’s kind of perfect. Last week I wrote about unexpected grace and answered prayers. Those moments are beautiful. But there is also a lot of brokenness in our world right now: in our lives, our churches, and our country. There is much to lament. I hope that this essay encourages you as much as it encouraged me this morning.
Unanswered Questions
I tend to be an optimist—to the point where my rosy glasses can get me into trouble. I always want to find the good, offer another chance, and hold onto hope. But sometimes we run headlong into brokenness that we just can’t ignore.
No Bible verse, Christian saying, or pat answer wrapped in a bow is good enough. Instead we are left with silence and an crowd of uncomfortable questions.
God, are you real? Are you here? Do you care? Are you listening?
Why would you let this happen?
Did you actually hear my prayers, see my tears, and feel my pain?
If you love me, why didn’t you do something?
If you love them, why didn’t you step in?
Made for More
More often than not, my desperate questions have been met by silence. Initially. Until I cry my tears, stop my angry shouting, and settle down. Then I realize that I am being gently held and quietly loved. And as my breath slows, I begin to hear a soft whisper.
Some people point to the brokenness as proof that God doesn’t exist. If an all-powerful God was real, surely he wouldn’t let such bad things happen. But I wonder if the anger, frustration, and loss that we feel isn’t truly evidence of God after all.
We all know it’s not supposed to be this way. We long for more than this world offers us. There is an innate sense that the brokenness we experience is wrong. Because we were made for more.
Beautifully Broken
The range of emotions that we can experience as humans is incredible. I know that not all of us are comfortable with them due to personality, upbringing, etc., but I’d like to encourage you to begin to accept them. Joy and sadness, peace and anger, positive and negative. Hold them, feel them, embrace them, and learn from them.
Brokenness pushes us to a place of vulnerability that can become beautiful if we will let it. Like the rocks on the edge of Lake Superior who have spent seasons battered by the waves until they are round and smooth, brokenness can soften us. It can lead us to a place of humility and openness. A place where we discover that we don’t have all the answers anymore. And where we learn to be okay with that.
Peace that Makes No Sense
In my own seasons of brokenness—as I’ve sat without answers or a way forward—I’ve stubbornly clung to faith in a Real God. A God I can’t always see, feel, or understand, but a God who has never let me go. And I have found peace despite the pain, peace that makes no sense.
“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 (NLT)
Do you notice the word “then” in that verse? Something more came before it. This is a cause and effect situation. What causes this unexplainable peace?
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6 (NLT)
“Tell God what you need and thank him for what he has done.” Friends, it’s my relationship with Jesus that has held me through the heartache and loss I have faced, face now, and will continue to face. I’ve cried with him, yelled at him, and questioned him. And Jesus has held me. He has reminded me of all the things that he has done. And he has given me peace that defies human understanding in the middle of my brokenness.
May he do the same for you today!
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This was so healing for me this morning. My daughter went to the street on July 5, 2022. She's a fentanyl addict. I've experienced a lot of brokenness in the last 2 years. It took over 6 months for me to gain my sea legs so to speakajd to stand strong in my faith again. I remember one particularly awful day when I was complaining to God about my situation. Her situation. I heard him say...don't you know me? I've come to the place where I'm embracing her jouney. Sometimes the peace feels uncomfortable. Like complacency. But then I realize that's my own sinful nature warring against doing nothing. Your words were beautiful and so true. I write about the street and addiction. It's a hard place. But I see Jesus there.