This was such an important article, Christy. So sorry you endured these abuses…and thankful God revealed His Son to you in the midst of the mess. I watched Shiny Happy People and prayed for all of you who were impacted. Sometimes I just grieve the unhealthy and immature people who get into leadership roles and misuse their positions. It’s tragic. Like every abuser, they try to silence victims. All of this is so contrary to the way of the cross. God bless you and thanks for sharing your heart and story in ways that help others.
It is amazing! This horrible experience was the catalyst for me to finally shake off the last of my religious Christianity and search for truth, paradox, and the misty gray awkward middle way. God is good even when life is very hard.
Our family has been through several of these types of situations and I am coming to believe that the only way to begin to see these things removed from the Church is through fully pushing toward exposure of the truth with honesty and humility with tenacity. It will most likely end badly for the one pushing. But quietly leaving only allows those left to continue living in a perpetual cycle of abuse without any accountability. People keep getting hurt, and people leave Jesus…so sad!
So I think of the woman in the comment above and pray for her and her family and others who were willing to send the letter with her…May they persevere in speaking the truth in love to the NAR-leaning pastor, being deaf to the false accusations he might make and alive to the little community of God-fearing families. May they put up a fight for this a tight-knit community and if they have to leave, may they know at least they did what they could to make sure those they leave behind know something is wrong. Perhaps others will also stand up for truth and continue to carry the fight after them until the pastor stops leading the church astray. 🙏🏻🫶❤️🩹
Loved how you contrasted the new Christy with how you used to be. Was a powerful call not just to overcome but to advocate for truth and righteousness!
We are walking this right now. Our pastor is taking our small church in a “new direction” (?NAR). Last week a group sent a letter simply asking for clarity on his beliefs. On Sunday just gone the service was a passive aggressive subtle attack on those who sent the letter, slyly suggesting they shouldn’t partake in communion, are causing division, are in opposition to Jesus and in sin for not following Matthew 18, when we are the group of witnesses. Many people who have gently brought up concerns individually over recent months have been removed from serving. He ticked all the boxes on your post of the red flags to look out for. We are gutted and don’t want the community who are mostly amazing, Jesus loving people of sound theology, to be ripped apart. Feeling really distraught this week with fears for our young children who LOVE church and are so comfortable in this family. Desiring for God to work a miracle so that we the body can continue to worship together.
Thank you for your writing, it has been so helpful to me. Currently reading Religious Rebels.
I’m SO sorry—that is a hard and horrible thing to have to walk through. The NAR is super dangerous in my opinion. And the fact that the pastor is checking my red flag boxes makes me concerned for you and the rest of your church. It’s difficult but not impossible to stop people like that. Most likely you will need to be strong and logical rather than gentle and kind. You guys are in my prayers. 💕
I’ve found it’s never about Church size alone but more about Church health, with grace based Gospel centered people who share humility, support, mutual encouragement, compassion, respect and accountability. Keep on doing what you’re doing Christy. Your story and life is making such a huge difference for those who are and have experienced what you’ve been through. Thank you Christy.
“The body of Jesus was never meant to be a corporation run by a CEO according to a business model. It’s supposed to be an organism not an organization.”
Louder for the folks in the back!
Western capitalism has infiltrated the culture of large churches so they’re indistinguishable from self-help consumer products, complete with a CEO, board of directors, middle management, employees, and paying customers.
“in spiritually abusive churches most of the grace people give seems to go to the perpetrating pastor.” That is so tragically true. Giving grace to the perpetrator enables them to go on with the show as quickly as possible, and even feel big about doing it. They aren’t ignoring sin, they’re “showing grace.”
This was such an important article, Christy. So sorry you endured these abuses…and thankful God revealed His Son to you in the midst of the mess. I watched Shiny Happy People and prayed for all of you who were impacted. Sometimes I just grieve the unhealthy and immature people who get into leadership roles and misuse their positions. It’s tragic. Like every abuser, they try to silence victims. All of this is so contrary to the way of the cross. God bless you and thanks for sharing your heart and story in ways that help others.
Thank you for this encouragement!
You’re welcome.
Amazing how God has redeemed your painful experience to help others. Keep speaking the truth in love!
It is amazing! This horrible experience was the catalyst for me to finally shake off the last of my religious Christianity and search for truth, paradox, and the misty gray awkward middle way. God is good even when life is very hard.
Our family has been through several of these types of situations and I am coming to believe that the only way to begin to see these things removed from the Church is through fully pushing toward exposure of the truth with honesty and humility with tenacity. It will most likely end badly for the one pushing. But quietly leaving only allows those left to continue living in a perpetual cycle of abuse without any accountability. People keep getting hurt, and people leave Jesus…so sad!
So I think of the woman in the comment above and pray for her and her family and others who were willing to send the letter with her…May they persevere in speaking the truth in love to the NAR-leaning pastor, being deaf to the false accusations he might make and alive to the little community of God-fearing families. May they put up a fight for this a tight-knit community and if they have to leave, may they know at least they did what they could to make sure those they leave behind know something is wrong. Perhaps others will also stand up for truth and continue to carry the fight after them until the pastor stops leading the church astray. 🙏🏻🫶❤️🩹
Amen!!
Loved how you contrasted the new Christy with how you used to be. Was a powerful call not just to overcome but to advocate for truth and righteousness!
They thought I was too strong before, but by God’s grace I’m even stronger now. 😆
We are walking this right now. Our pastor is taking our small church in a “new direction” (?NAR). Last week a group sent a letter simply asking for clarity on his beliefs. On Sunday just gone the service was a passive aggressive subtle attack on those who sent the letter, slyly suggesting they shouldn’t partake in communion, are causing division, are in opposition to Jesus and in sin for not following Matthew 18, when we are the group of witnesses. Many people who have gently brought up concerns individually over recent months have been removed from serving. He ticked all the boxes on your post of the red flags to look out for. We are gutted and don’t want the community who are mostly amazing, Jesus loving people of sound theology, to be ripped apart. Feeling really distraught this week with fears for our young children who LOVE church and are so comfortable in this family. Desiring for God to work a miracle so that we the body can continue to worship together.
Thank you for your writing, it has been so helpful to me. Currently reading Religious Rebels.
I’m SO sorry—that is a hard and horrible thing to have to walk through. The NAR is super dangerous in my opinion. And the fact that the pastor is checking my red flag boxes makes me concerned for you and the rest of your church. It’s difficult but not impossible to stop people like that. Most likely you will need to be strong and logical rather than gentle and kind. You guys are in my prayers. 💕
Thank you 🩵
I’ve found it’s never about Church size alone but more about Church health, with grace based Gospel centered people who share humility, support, mutual encouragement, compassion, respect and accountability. Keep on doing what you’re doing Christy. Your story and life is making such a huge difference for those who are and have experienced what you’ve been through. Thank you Christy.
Without a grace based gospel all we end up with is religion. 😭 And that’s where the power struggle comes in. Thanks for the encouragement, Steve!
“The body of Jesus was never meant to be a corporation run by a CEO according to a business model. It’s supposed to be an organism not an organization.”
Louder for the folks in the back!
Western capitalism has infiltrated the culture of large churches so they’re indistinguishable from self-help consumer products, complete with a CEO, board of directors, middle management, employees, and paying customers.
Which is where half or more of the problems come from. 😬😭😡
“in spiritually abusive churches most of the grace people give seems to go to the perpetrating pastor.” That is so tragically true. Giving grace to the perpetrator enables them to go on with the show as quickly as possible, and even feel big about doing it. They aren’t ignoring sin, they’re “showing grace.”
I’m thankful that you share your story!
"Not ignoring sin, but showing grace." You nailed it. It's all a good lie and they don't even realize it. But the show must go on.