This month we will explore a deeper deconstruction, question the role of the pastor's wife, and ponder what it looks like to live grounded and love like Jesus.
My own journey of deconstruction and reconstruction forced me to rethink everything that I was taught early on. I have read Beth’s book which my daughter got me for Christmas. Her work is amazing and I look forward to the next book. Both of you are on the right path, I know it in my heart. I just want to encourage you and reaffirm that the Jesus movement needs you and what you’re doing. I pray for you both.
I love what you shared about how being a behavior specialist causes you to live embodied. I am a Palliative care physician and get to spend time with the dying in Hospice and their families.
Another place where the Presence we carry can open up a connection to God for those who are interested.
That is such an important job! I’m glad you are able to bring Jesus into that also embodied place of work. I’m sure the Spirit brings many opportunities.
Can I also add that in 1Cor 2:15 it says that the spiritual person weighs all things, but they themselves are subject to no-one's judgment. Another verse that judgmental Christians love to forget they ever read (if indeed they did!) ;)
I've probably said this before, but when I read things like 'people said I'm doing it wrong' or 'you shouldn't [whatever]', that tells me that the people saying that don't understand deconstruction. The fundamental characteristic of deconstruction is that it is the throwing off oth others' expectations and requirements, and freeing up the believer to walk with God without regard to others' input (and that includes my writing too!) Sure, we can listen to others, but the key thing is that we are free to accept, reject or hold in thought anything that others say, and without being
'accountable' to them as to whether or not we accept their input. There is no right or wrong way to deconstruct, because each of us needs to deconstruct different things. For you, you had a huge deconstruction because of your church background, it being far more culty than mine was. My church was just a simple and straightforward Charismatic house church, so most of what I deconstructed would be far different from what you deconstructed (of course there was some overlap!). Each person's deconstruction reflects what they need to deconstruct, then. In fact, there *is* a way of 'deconstructing wrong', and that's to do it according to a set of rules, whatever form these may take. Best way is just to relax and let the Spirit do it all, however long it takes. And for me the hardest thing was seeing my precious wife worrying about me and my apparent 'loss of faith', although that wasn't what happened at all. Fortunately, and with God's great timing, I emerged from my chrysalis into my butterfly faith a couple of years before she died, so she saw what God had been doing for that fifteen years that it took. But it had to be done in a way suitable for me, personally; of course God is the Great Architect for all that sort of thing, so it all worked out fine. There really is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to deconstruction.
Aw, Tony, I love this. Thank you for sharing. You are so right that everyone’s deconstruction journey is and should be different because it is unique to them. There might be overlap, but ultimately it is a personal journey. And yes to freedom to follow Jesus without people telling us how to do it!
I resonate with so much of this. As a counselor/advocate, I’ve heard too many stories of an abuse advocate who turned out to be an abuser. Even one is too many. I also just finished Dr. Barr’s book, and (slight spoiler alert, but not really) I wish she had discussed Marie Dentiere in ch. 5. Her story is so fitting for the TNE story (and ironic with the Calvin University event). Not only did she join Zell and other reformed women in charting a new path, as a second generation female reformer, she also set her reforming sights on other reformers, including and especially Calvin himself: https://open.substack.com/pub/onceaweek/p/marie-dentiere-a-late-addition-to?r=16589c&utm_medium=ios.
I haven’t read either of those books but I’m intrigued now. I love what you shared about how being a behavior specialist causes you to live embodied. Isolationism seems to be so prevalent in some Christian circles. I’m curious how many Christian books would be written differently if the authors were truly integrated into the world in terms of neighborhood, school, jobs.
Yes! Me too. I notice this in churches as well. Sometimes pastors and others in ministry are so insulated within the Christianese bubble that they don’t seem to understand what’s really going on. How would they be different if they were also integrated into the actual world?
Yes, this. Part of what my deconstruction process taught me was how the 'world' sees the Church from outside. And it ain't pretty! Now, I am far more what they would have called 'worldly'. But I am the person I am because of how God did things, so I can't complain - and neither can others.
I remember the wild and woolly days of the ex-Fundies turned Social Justice Warriors, who were going to make sure everybody who had left Fundamentalism believed exactly as they did. That was when I realized that leaving Fundamentalism is a deep-down, multi-layered process. These were just angry people, the same fundy anger, the same rigidity. Like Fundies, they soon started to devour each other. But they did a lot of damage to a lot of people.
Thank you for the reference to Beth Allison Barr. I plan to look her up. What an impressive resume! There have always been women of power in the Church (Joan of Arc comes to mind first, but even missionary Amy Carmichael, who lived into the 20th century). We have to remember that even the history of the Church is mostly written by men.
Women missionaries is one of the things Beth mentions in both of her books. She calls out the double standard that many white men won’t let women teach other white men, but are fine with them going overseas and teaching brown ones. 😬 Yikes! And yes, most of church history was also written down by men.
My second observation is a suggestion for you. Watch the now PBS documentary “The Philadelphia Eleven” which is the story of the first women ordained in the Episcopal Church. It’s really about women following Jesus in the face of the patriarchy of our denomination. My support of one of these colleagues, Marie Moorefield, changed the trajectory of my now 53 years of ministry. It forced me to deconstruct and reconstruct my view of ordination.
I always enjoy your writing and reflection. I especially enjoyed your reflection on motherhood and the realities of boundaries. What we want as parents and what each of our children really need is one of those tough life lessons that good parents must learn!
Didn’t know you were a Michigander now! 😆 My husband is from there, so we make the trip about once a year. I must say, I like the western side better than where his parents live (Flint 🫣). If you ever do a meet n greet or book talk there let me know! 😁
Yeah, Flint is not great. Ha! I originally lived on the east side up in the Thumb during my cult days (and drove to Flint for a cult church twice a week), but married a guy from the west side and have basically been here ever since. It’s a great side of the state!
No, it imploded years ago. Haha! It was a culty, homeschool church closely connected with Bill Gothard and his IBLP "ministry". Think independent fundamental Baptist and then add Shiny Happy People.
I have such hopes that my new book will minister to you and many readers, Christy!
I’m so excited about it!
My own journey of deconstruction and reconstruction forced me to rethink everything that I was taught early on. I have read Beth’s book which my daughter got me for Christmas. Her work is amazing and I look forward to the next book. Both of you are on the right path, I know it in my heart. I just want to encourage you and reaffirm that the Jesus movement needs you and what you’re doing. I pray for you both.
Thank you so much, Brian! I really appreciate your willingness to rethink and learn, as well as your words of support and encouragement.
"I know that I am healing because my anger has turned into grief and sadness, I can appreciate paradox and mystery." -- this resonated with me.
I’m so glad!
I love what you shared about how being a behavior specialist causes you to live embodied. I am a Palliative care physician and get to spend time with the dying in Hospice and their families.
Another place where the Presence we carry can open up a connection to God for those who are interested.
That is such an important job! I’m glad you are able to bring Jesus into that also embodied place of work. I’m sure the Spirit brings many opportunities.
Can I also add that in 1Cor 2:15 it says that the spiritual person weighs all things, but they themselves are subject to no-one's judgment. Another verse that judgmental Christians love to forget they ever read (if indeed they did!) ;)
😆
I've probably said this before, but when I read things like 'people said I'm doing it wrong' or 'you shouldn't [whatever]', that tells me that the people saying that don't understand deconstruction. The fundamental characteristic of deconstruction is that it is the throwing off oth others' expectations and requirements, and freeing up the believer to walk with God without regard to others' input (and that includes my writing too!) Sure, we can listen to others, but the key thing is that we are free to accept, reject or hold in thought anything that others say, and without being
'accountable' to them as to whether or not we accept their input. There is no right or wrong way to deconstruct, because each of us needs to deconstruct different things. For you, you had a huge deconstruction because of your church background, it being far more culty than mine was. My church was just a simple and straightforward Charismatic house church, so most of what I deconstructed would be far different from what you deconstructed (of course there was some overlap!). Each person's deconstruction reflects what they need to deconstruct, then. In fact, there *is* a way of 'deconstructing wrong', and that's to do it according to a set of rules, whatever form these may take. Best way is just to relax and let the Spirit do it all, however long it takes. And for me the hardest thing was seeing my precious wife worrying about me and my apparent 'loss of faith', although that wasn't what happened at all. Fortunately, and with God's great timing, I emerged from my chrysalis into my butterfly faith a couple of years before she died, so she saw what God had been doing for that fifteen years that it took. But it had to be done in a way suitable for me, personally; of course God is the Great Architect for all that sort of thing, so it all worked out fine. There really is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to deconstruction.
Aw, Tony, I love this. Thank you for sharing. You are so right that everyone’s deconstruction journey is and should be different because it is unique to them. There might be overlap, but ultimately it is a personal journey. And yes to freedom to follow Jesus without people telling us how to do it!
I resonate with so much of this. As a counselor/advocate, I’ve heard too many stories of an abuse advocate who turned out to be an abuser. Even one is too many. I also just finished Dr. Barr’s book, and (slight spoiler alert, but not really) I wish she had discussed Marie Dentiere in ch. 5. Her story is so fitting for the TNE story (and ironic with the Calvin University event). Not only did she join Zell and other reformed women in charting a new path, as a second generation female reformer, she also set her reforming sights on other reformers, including and especially Calvin himself: https://open.substack.com/pub/onceaweek/p/marie-dentiere-a-late-addition-to?r=16589c&utm_medium=ios.
I haven’t read either of those books but I’m intrigued now. I love what you shared about how being a behavior specialist causes you to live embodied. Isolationism seems to be so prevalent in some Christian circles. I’m curious how many Christian books would be written differently if the authors were truly integrated into the world in terms of neighborhood, school, jobs.
Yes! Me too. I notice this in churches as well. Sometimes pastors and others in ministry are so insulated within the Christianese bubble that they don’t seem to understand what’s really going on. How would they be different if they were also integrated into the actual world?
Yes, this. Part of what my deconstruction process taught me was how the 'world' sees the Church from outside. And it ain't pretty! Now, I am far more what they would have called 'worldly'. But I am the person I am because of how God did things, so I can't complain - and neither can others.
Excited to read more about deconstruction! We’re state neighbors btw (I’m in Indiana).
My version of deconstruction is much different than most exevangelicals. 😆 But I think it matches up with yours. Yay for being state neighbors!
I remember the wild and woolly days of the ex-Fundies turned Social Justice Warriors, who were going to make sure everybody who had left Fundamentalism believed exactly as they did. That was when I realized that leaving Fundamentalism is a deep-down, multi-layered process. These were just angry people, the same fundy anger, the same rigidity. Like Fundies, they soon started to devour each other. But they did a lot of damage to a lot of people.
Thank you for the reference to Beth Allison Barr. I plan to look her up. What an impressive resume! There have always been women of power in the Church (Joan of Arc comes to mind first, but even missionary Amy Carmichael, who lived into the 20th century). We have to remember that even the history of the Church is mostly written by men.
Women missionaries is one of the things Beth mentions in both of her books. She calls out the double standard that many white men won’t let women teach other white men, but are fine with them going overseas and teaching brown ones. 😬 Yikes! And yes, most of church history was also written down by men.
My second observation is a suggestion for you. Watch the now PBS documentary “The Philadelphia Eleven” which is the story of the first women ordained in the Episcopal Church. It’s really about women following Jesus in the face of the patriarchy of our denomination. My support of one of these colleagues, Marie Moorefield, changed the trajectory of my now 53 years of ministry. It forced me to deconstruct and reconstruct my view of ordination.
Oh, thank you! I’m excited to watch this. 😁
You can find the trailer for it on You Tube.
I always enjoy your writing and reflection. I especially enjoyed your reflection on motherhood and the realities of boundaries. What we want as parents and what each of our children really need is one of those tough life lessons that good parents must learn!
I literally feel like the school mom so that’s perfect. 😆
Didn’t know you were a Michigander now! 😆 My husband is from there, so we make the trip about once a year. I must say, I like the western side better than where his parents live (Flint 🫣). If you ever do a meet n greet or book talk there let me know! 😁
Yeah, Flint is not great. Ha! I originally lived on the east side up in the Thumb during my cult days (and drove to Flint for a cult church twice a week), but married a guy from the west side and have basically been here ever since. It’s a great side of the state!
Ok well now I need to know what church in Flint! 😝 Is it still in existence? My husbands father was a pastor in that area (recently) so … 😬
No, it imploded years ago. Haha! It was a culty, homeschool church closely connected with Bill Gothard and his IBLP "ministry". Think independent fundamental Baptist and then add Shiny Happy People.