Just stumbled onto and subscribed and looking forward to reading more of your writings. Thank you for sharing here in the hopes that it helps normalize someone else's story. Sadly, I am not surprised by any of it. As a minister, I have seen countless abuses of power and the emotional harm it causes is tremendous.
This is everything. It is important to speak about every abuse experienced in the name of religion. Would love for this to become a series that either point out red flags or shows your family’s healing process after all of this.
Thanks for sharing this Christy! It made me cry. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but like you said, God had a plan and He used that pain to grow you. Growing pains hurt. I think you would love our church. We have a lot of broken people who are healing from church hurt, abuse, and broken pasts. We cry with them and point them to Jesus. Our pastor was so hurt from a former church situation that he never wanted to be in ministry again. But God called him to rebuild a broken church, and you cannot say no to God! God brought our family to help him (my husband is the discipleship pastor). We see people saved and baptized every month! It's exciting to be a part of a church that loves broken people the way Jesus does and uses the Bible to heal rather than to hurt. Our pastor often says, "A changed life is the loudest amen." It reminds me of Luke 7:47 - "Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that's why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little."
Christy, I’m so sorry. What a painful story — especially the way your trust in your pastor was manipulated in order to abuse you. Thanks for sharing … I know your story will encourage others and help them make sense of their own stories!
We watched our friends go through this exact thing just over a year ago, and it was shattering. We left the church after that, following them them, hurt and disillusioned. We didn't stand up against the abuse, we just left, because we were afraid of how they would punish our friends (friends who were exhausted from being punished like that already). I still don't know if we did it right. We left quietly but we've been cut off from the church we called home for 6 years, for following the youth pastor who was accused of the same things as your husband because of a narcissistic head pastor. We still mourn those lost friendships and our eldest is angry with us for leaving. But to stay and watch the abuse of power and to be in a church where they ALLOW it.... No.
Thank you for sharing. Your words shine a light. Thank you for helping reveal dark things that are, literally, abuse but were formerly assumed to be "normal."
Thank you for sharing your story, Christy. It’s so sad that so many have similar stories of church abuse while on staff. There was a time I thought I wanted to be on staff at my old church, but later, after hearing stories from those that came out of those jobs with stories similar to yours, I realized I dodged a bullet. I know that your story will help someone else feel some solidarity and know that what they went through was wrong on many levels. Your voice is healing.
Thank you for sharing. I experienced my church hurt later in life during a very low, vulnerable period in my life. The people who took advantage of me were a Pastor and his wife who controlled every aspect of the church. I’ve been reminded church leaders are human just like everyone else, with no super powers or unique relationship with God. Because of my experience and witnessing the vile behavior of MAGA supporting Christians, I no longer believe and have lost my Christian faith completely. I respect your beliefs and experiences, and I encourage everyone to find their own personal faith and beliefs. There’s more to being a loving, caring and giving person than what particular God or religion you choose to follow or not follow.
Wow, that's really vulnerable of you to share that, and kudos to you for doing so. I remember chatting with you about some of these things at the time, but I didn't realise they went so deep. You poor things; what a terrible thing to have to go through, especially all the culty gossiping and them telling each other your stuff under confidence. You probably have a good basis for a lawsuit there for violation of clergy/penitent privilege. Thank God for Miriam coming along when she did; she is definitely God's provision. Wow. Well done for not being silent, and well done for sharing this. You two are really amazing. Also, as an aside, this is another benefit for putting your marriage first, in that no matter what they throw at you, you two remain solid. Some cults demand that you put the cult first; this is a great example of why that is never a good idea.
Just stumbled onto and subscribed and looking forward to reading more of your writings. Thank you for sharing here in the hopes that it helps normalize someone else's story. Sadly, I am not surprised by any of it. As a minister, I have seen countless abuses of power and the emotional harm it causes is tremendous.
This is everything. It is important to speak about every abuse experienced in the name of religion. Would love for this to become a series that either point out red flags or shows your family’s healing process after all of this.
Thanks for sharing this Christy! It made me cry. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but like you said, God had a plan and He used that pain to grow you. Growing pains hurt. I think you would love our church. We have a lot of broken people who are healing from church hurt, abuse, and broken pasts. We cry with them and point them to Jesus. Our pastor was so hurt from a former church situation that he never wanted to be in ministry again. But God called him to rebuild a broken church, and you cannot say no to God! God brought our family to help him (my husband is the discipleship pastor). We see people saved and baptized every month! It's exciting to be a part of a church that loves broken people the way Jesus does and uses the Bible to heal rather than to hurt. Our pastor often says, "A changed life is the loudest amen." It reminds me of Luke 7:47 - "Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that's why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little."
Christy, I’m so sorry. What a painful story — especially the way your trust in your pastor was manipulated in order to abuse you. Thanks for sharing … I know your story will encourage others and help them make sense of their own stories!
We watched our friends go through this exact thing just over a year ago, and it was shattering. We left the church after that, following them them, hurt and disillusioned. We didn't stand up against the abuse, we just left, because we were afraid of how they would punish our friends (friends who were exhausted from being punished like that already). I still don't know if we did it right. We left quietly but we've been cut off from the church we called home for 6 years, for following the youth pastor who was accused of the same things as your husband because of a narcissistic head pastor. We still mourn those lost friendships and our eldest is angry with us for leaving. But to stay and watch the abuse of power and to be in a church where they ALLOW it.... No.
I.Believe.You.
Thank you for sharing. Your words shine a light. Thank you for helping reveal dark things that are, literally, abuse but were formerly assumed to be "normal."
Thank you for sharing your story, Christy. It’s so sad that so many have similar stories of church abuse while on staff. There was a time I thought I wanted to be on staff at my old church, but later, after hearing stories from those that came out of those jobs with stories similar to yours, I realized I dodged a bullet. I know that your story will help someone else feel some solidarity and know that what they went through was wrong on many levels. Your voice is healing.
Thank you for sharing. I experienced my church hurt later in life during a very low, vulnerable period in my life. The people who took advantage of me were a Pastor and his wife who controlled every aspect of the church. I’ve been reminded church leaders are human just like everyone else, with no super powers or unique relationship with God. Because of my experience and witnessing the vile behavior of MAGA supporting Christians, I no longer believe and have lost my Christian faith completely. I respect your beliefs and experiences, and I encourage everyone to find their own personal faith and beliefs. There’s more to being a loving, caring and giving person than what particular God or religion you choose to follow or not follow.
Wow, that's really vulnerable of you to share that, and kudos to you for doing so. I remember chatting with you about some of these things at the time, but I didn't realise they went so deep. You poor things; what a terrible thing to have to go through, especially all the culty gossiping and them telling each other your stuff under confidence. You probably have a good basis for a lawsuit there for violation of clergy/penitent privilege. Thank God for Miriam coming along when she did; she is definitely God's provision. Wow. Well done for not being silent, and well done for sharing this. You two are really amazing. Also, as an aside, this is another benefit for putting your marriage first, in that no matter what they throw at you, you two remain solid. Some cults demand that you put the cult first; this is a great example of why that is never a good idea.